Taric Eats a Cookie
by KaikariShumizu
Summary: Taric is the main character, switches to Ezreal POV sometimes. This is about their humorous adventures. Warning: If you don't like Yaoi don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Taric Eats a Cookie

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, nor information from this story.

The match started out like any other, with Thresh luring Annie into the bushes. As the green chains came flying out, the girl screamed and Taric had to save her! Too bad he didn't, because he was screaming as well. "OH MY GOD A RAPIST!" screamed Taric.

"Taric!" Annie screamed back!

"NO! That guy is terrifying! I don't wanna go in there!" said Taric.

"GOD DAMN IT!" said Annie as she summoned Tibbers. Thresh chuckled in that creepy way he does and then it wore off Annie.

Taric then stopped screaming, like a bitch, and started fighting Thresh when Ezreal showed up! He whipped out his guns when Taric charged up with all the might he had. The Team's nexus had been destroyed by minions. As they went home, Taric had noticed Ezreal walking around the lanes.

Taric got home and started thinking about Ezreal. He went to lie in his bathtub, when he heard a knock at the door. He thought it Shen, his roommate. Taric groaned and said "Go away, I'm busy!"

He got out of the tub and opened the door. "What do you want SHEN?!" shouted Taric. At the door was Ezreal, blushing at the sight of Taric's penis.

He started stuttering and his face was red "U-Uh Taric, I just wanted to tell you that you did well in the game today!"

He sped up with the last few words, since he was nervous. "O-okay then b-bye!" He tried to zoom away but Taric grabbed his shirt.

"Wait, wait! I think you did well today too. What about a trip to celebrate the match?"

"Alright, Where would we go?"

"The strip barn, I heard Nidalee is performing tonight."

"Can we go somewhere else? Like a regular bar?"

"What you don't like about seeing naked women?"

"Well, it's degrading and I'm not in the mood for dealing with women."

"Oh, that's fine with me." Taric said with a sigh. So they went to a restaurant. They saw other friendly champions there and greeted each other briefly. Then Ezreal saw Lux. Man, he hated Lux. He couldn't go anywhere without hearing that annoying cackle! His mood instantly dropped below excited.

After they ate, Ezreal thought that Taric and he would become good friends. He started to like him more each time they hung out in matches together.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The champions got summoned into the new map called store and it looked just like Wal-Mart. Ezreal's team consisted of Cho 'Gath, Zyra, Sona, Garen, and himself. Taric was pumped that he was going to play with Ezreal and there was nothing that could slow him down, except for the fact that he had to go AGAINST Ezreal instead of playing with him. He wanted to be friends with him, not enemies! The summoner that was controlling Taric urged him to keep on running to middle lane where Ezreal would most likely be. The surroundings were shelves of snack foods. On the shelves nearest to Taric there were boxes of cookies and snack cakes. He knew that Ezreal would most likely be going through the middle, and he hated the fact that he would have to go against a fellow champion that was his friend.

Ezreal's summoner was pushing him toward middle lane and he saw in the chat box that people were fighting over middle lane. He then thought to himself "Please don't let me go middle! Please don't let me go!" Ezreal's summoner had won the battle anyway and he had to go middle lane.

Taric was just as displeased once he saw Ezreal. He mouthed to him "I'm sorry." The blonde said to him "It's alright I understand. It isn't what you want to do." The system then realized that they were self-aware and Riot Games quickly fixed this. They couldn't speak to each other.

Taric got first blood by killing Ezreal and he died a little on the inside when this happened. To get him back the summoner who played Ezreal was going to kill Taric. Ezreal became self-aware again and he ran up to Taric.

"Hey, Pencil Dick! Slither over here!"

Cho 'Gath heard this and was displeased. "What did you say faggot?"

"You heard me bitch and I wasn't talking to you. I meant Taric over there."

"Oh alright, good game then."

"Taric!"

His head popped out from the cookie shelves and he said with his mouth full "What?"

"You're going to spoil your dinner."

"What do you mean?" Ezreal cut him off by touching his turret and destroying it.

"HEY YOU LITTLE BLONDE FAGGOT!" shouted the Summoner playing Taric.

"I'd have to say I'm wounded Taric. I thought we were friends!" Ezreal said with a fake pout. Taric then snapped out of what the system wanted him to do and he rushed up to the teary-eyed Ezreal.

"I'm sorry Ezreal! I can't help it!" Taric feeling guilty he took of his pink armor and sat down in the bushes with Ezreal. He hugged the blonde and he shot him in the chest! Ezreal said "Never trust a summoner Taric!" He then laughed as he danced on his grave. He then rushed up to the next turret and took it down. The minions had done most of the work and Ezreal came in for the kill. The Nexus exploded and Ezreal's team won. Zyra and Sona were jumping for joy, Cho ' Gath smirked, and Garen became once kissed by fire. (Ezreal burned him a bit with the last hit) Then the Voice lady said "VICTORY!"


	3. Chapter 3

Taric also hung out with another person,his roommate. He would consider him his best friend,Shen. Since Shen is two years older then Taric, he calls him Shenpai instead of Senpai.

"Shenpai we could go to six flags and ride the rollercoasters,and ride the rollercoasters,and ride the rollercoasters-"

"Enough Taric! We aren't going to six flags! Only the League of Legends Couples go to six flags for dates and stuff of the sort."

"But I love you Shenpai!" Taric says with a smile on his face.

"No you don't Taric. I do have a confession to make however. Ha ha ha ha ah ah ah I like men." He says with a chuckle.

"Shenpai, you don't even got a dick." They both laugh at their refrences and go to sleep.

When Taric woke up in the middle of the night, he heard some noises from the door. The lock falls to the ground, off of the door. He sees a Miss Fortune-like character start to come in. Taric panics and puts clothes on to greet the figure he sees in the door. Then the door creaks open and he sees blonde hair. He thinks to himself "_Who the hell could this be?_" He gets up and walks to the door. "Hey! What are you doing?!" He sees a short woman with long blonde hair.

"Hey it's me, your Aunty Gertrude."

"I don't have an Aunty Gertrude or any family for that matter."

"Well now you do."Taric thought he was hallucinating and was hoping he was. He didn't want some strange drunk woman to be his Aunt or to even know her! Taric once again asked "Who the fuck are you?"

"I already told you sweetie, I'm your Aunty Gertrude. By the way, you have a sweet ass."

"Aunty Gertrude!"

"What it's true! I know that you like that blonde faggot." She lights her cigarette and Taric asks

"Who?"

"That blonde faggot your always hanging around with, Ezreal."

"I don't like him Aunty Gertrude. We're just friends."

"Oh fuck you too. It's clear as day that you like him." She says as she coughs.

"Now hurry and get me my pills." Taric is shocked and confused as usual.

"What pills?"

"Nevermind ya faggot. Go away, get out of my house!"

"Aunty Gertrude this isn't your house."

"Well, now it is. I'm also taking the ninja."

"What are you going to do to him?"

"Everything!" She laughed evily and left.

* * *

So how are you enjoying everything so far? Aunty Gertrude is a very interesting character that my cousin thought of and helped me with this story. Thanks SirTainley, and have a wonderful day. Also, references are from King of the Hill Collaboration and various Youtube Poops. Cause why not? Reviews help me improve a bunch, and I'm willing to take ideas from readers for new chapter ideas! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Taric lost his house, his best friend, and worst of all he lost it to his "Aunty Gertrude". He was depressed and he only had one place he might be able to stay. He took Shen from Aunty Gertrude while she passed out from drinking too much. She fell asleep with a cigarette in her mouth. Oh, such a silly sight. Taric started walking with Shen to Ezreal's house. He mumbled "Do you think were going to be able to get a place to stay?"

"I don't know Taric. He might not let us in."

"Well fuck him if he doesn't."

"He's your friend. Why don't you ask him?"

"FUCK NO!" Taric screams, "I can't ask too much of him and its a lot to ask!"

"Fine, I'll go to the door."

"WAIT SHEN! I'll go." Shen smiled and said

"That's what I thought."

Taric nervousnessly walked up to the door hoping a certain blonde would answer. The door opened and he saw a wide-eyed lizard at the door. "What the ramen do you want?"

"Is Ezreal here?"

"He lives two houses to the right." Taric and Shen can hear Miss Fortune in the background, "Cho, who's at the door?"

"Just some Ramen sellers. I'll be there in a second," he turns back to Taric "You two better get the hell off my lawn." Then start to walk off and go to Ezreal's house. Man, poor Ezreal, he has to live next to those two weirdos.

Taric walked up to the door and rang the door bell. He heard a high-pitch scream and some thudding. Taric was confused and he saw an exhausted-looking Ezreal on the frame. "Oh, hi Taric. What brings ya here?" Ezreal was slurring his words pretty bad. "Yo, Ez are you alright,"Shen asked.

"Yeah I just couldn't get any sleep. Damn Cho'Gath and Miss Fortune were fighting all night again. ALL NIGHT!"

Taric thought now might be a good time to ask. "Would it be alright if we stayed with you for a bit? Some crazy lady named Aunty Gertrude took our apartment."

"Yeah that's fine."

"Thanks man." Taric walked into the house to see a small living room with a old couch and a television. There were also various consoles. They heard more screaming from down the street.

"Damn it Taric, where's Jesus (hey zeus)?!"

"Close the shades! Hurry! That's the lady!" Taric cried.

"You guys know her?"

"Yeah that's the crazy bitch who is probably looking for me." Shen said. They closed the shades and hid upstairs. Taric and Ezreal went into his bedroom, while Shen hid in the bathroom a few doors down. Taric tripped and Ezreal fell onto the bed,under Taric. Taric blushed and Ezreal smirked. Being the blonde guy I chose him to be, he started playing with Taric. "Oh won't you stop being so beast-like!" He said with a playful wink. Even when Ezreal was tired, Taric still thought he was adorable. He started to play along. "Ezreal, I have loved you from the very beginning."

"Even after I killed you?" Taric rubbed his nose against Ezreal's and said "Even then I did." Ezreal blushed as Taric thought "_Wow. I practically spilled my feelings to the guy._"

Then they moved to cuddle and they saw Shen. He was nodding in approval and he said "Well, aren't you guys cute?"

Ezreal got up and said "Taric and I were practicing our theatrical abilities." He was doubting us.

"Seriously Shen, we were." Shen just walked away after that.

"Thanks for playing around with me, Taric. That was mighty sweet of you." If I didn't ask Ezreal this now I might not ever get the chance again! "Ezreal, I-" Ezreal had kissed him as soon as he said that. Taric kissed back and he leaned forward, pushing Ezreal onto the bed. Ezreal pulled Taric's hair to get him closer. Once they had to break for air, Taric was shocked. He didn't know what to do at this point.


	5. Chapter 5

Taric lost his house, his best friend, and worst of all he lost it to his "Aunty Gertrude". He was depressed and he only had one place he might be able to stay. He took Shen from Aunty Gertrude while she passed out from drinking too much. She fell asleep with a cigarette in her mouth. Oh, such a silly sight. Taric started walking with Shen to Ezreal's house. He mumbled "Do you think were going to be able to get a place to stay?"

"I don't know Taric. He might not let us in."

"Well fuck him if he doesn't."

"He's your friend. Why don't you ask him?"

"FUCK NO!" Taric screams, "I can't ask too much of him and its a lot to ask!"

"Fine, I'll go to the door."

"WAIT SHEN! I'll go." Shen smiled and said

"That's what I thought."

Taric nervousnessly walked up to the door hoping a certain blonde would answer. The door opened and he saw a wide-eyed lizard at the door. "What the ramen do you want?"

"Is Ezreal here?"

"He lives two houses to the right." Taric and Shen can hear Miss Fortune in the background, "Cho, who's at the door?"

"Just some Ramen sellers. I'll be there in a second," he turns back to Taric "You two better get the hell off my lawn." Then start to walk off and go to Ezreal's house. Man, poor Ezreal, he has to live next to those two weirdos.

Taric walked up to the door and rang the door bell. He heard a high-pitch scream and some thudding. Taric was confused and he saw an exhausted-looking Ezreal on the frame. "Oh, hi Taric. What brings ya here?" Ezreal was slurring his words pretty bad. "Yo, Ez are you alright,"Shen asked.

"Yeah I just couldn't get any sleep. Damn Cho'Gath and Miss Fortune were fighting all night again. ALL NIGHT!"

Taric thought now might be a good time to ask. "Would it be alright if we stayed with you for a bit? Some crazy lady named Aunty Gertrude took our apartment."

"Yeah that's fine."

"Thanks man." Taric walked into the house to see a small living room with a old couch and a television. There were also various consoles. They heard more screaming from down the street.

"Damn it Taric, where's Jesus (hey zeus)?!"

"Close the shades! Hurry! That's the lady!" Taric cried.

"You guys know her?"

"Yeah that's the crazy bitch who is probably looking for me." Shen said. They closed the shades and hid upstairs. Taric and Ezreal went into his bedroom, while Shen hid in the bathroom a few doors down. Taric tripped and Ezreal fell onto the bed,under Taric. Taric blushed and Ezreal smirked. Being the blonde guy I chose him to be, he started playing with Taric. "Oh won't you stop being so beast-like!" He said with a playful wink. Even when Ezreal was tired, Taric still thought he was adorable. He started to play along. "Ezreal, I have loved you from the very beginning."

"Even after I killed you?" Taric rubbed his nose against Ezreal's and said "Even then I did." Ezreal blushed as Taric thought "_Wow. I practically spilled my feelings to the guy._"

Then they moved to cuddle and they saw Shen. He was nodding in approval and he said "Well, aren't you guys cute?"

Ezreal got up and said "Taric and I were practicing our theatrical abilities." He was doubting us.

"Seriously Shen, we were." Shen just walked away after that.

"Thanks for playing around with me, Taric. That was mighty sweet of you." If I didn't ask Ezreal this now I might not ever get the chance again! "Ezreal, I-" Ezreal had kissed him as soon as he said that. Taric kissed back and he leaned forward, pushing Ezreal onto the bed. Ezreal pulled Taric's hair to get him closer. Once they had to break for air, Taric was shocked. He didn't know what to do at this point.


End file.
